I've been going through quite the nostalgic period lately. I think I'm finally starting to pull out of it, but I have noticed that the older I get, the more these phases occur, and the longer they last. Perhaps that's because I have more experiences to nostalgize (<------not a real word), or perhaps it's because I'm slowly losing the drive to adapt to new things. Becoming "set in my ways," as they say.
I don't know, part of me becomes angry when I think about this. Another part of me doesn't mind so much. It's all part of the inner conflict of not just growing older, but growing up. The irony here is that being afraid of change is a change for me. I used to get bored with the old, but now I find myself being bored with the new.
These past few weeks, as I've shuffled through my iPod library in traffic (<-----not safe), more often than not I've chosen those records that I've been listening to for a decade now instead of the record that came out last week. I've even gone back and added songs and records that I was into in high school, which means, because my iPod stays pretty much full, I had to delete newer stuff to make room. Whereas a couple of years ago, this decision would've tortured me, now I don't even give it a second thought.
The discipline of staying current with new musical trends is less and less of a priority for me, and the necessity of treasuring my tried and true musical gems has begun to take its place. The role of music in my life is morphing into something else - almost as a comforter or a distraction instead of a challenge or an exercise.
A song has to grab me, and I mean really grab me, for me to spend my time exploring it and falling in love with it. Is this unfortunate, or is this the place I've been looking for all along? Knowing what I like and being ok with it. Is it complacency, or is it an earned respite?
I'm not sure, but I know that it feels good to be here, at least for now. I'll let you know how I feel next week.
The song of the night is Morrissey's "Something is Squeezing My Skull" from his new album Years of Refusal, because I like the way he sings the word "skull." Enjoy.
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